Thanks for the submission
Part 1
I am an European woman, A few years ago I came to Beijing to learn the chinese language and find out more about the situation in this interesting country. Since then nearly every year I spend my summer vacation here. My first Chinese relationship was my former boyfriend. I met him at a Heavy-Metal-concert in a musicclub, where I went on my own. He had just graduated from university and was celebrating with some friends. He used the break between two bands to introduce himself to me. That night we exchanged phone-numbers, kissed, he accompanied me to my place. The next day we had our first real date... Ironically (I say ironically, because a short time before that, I had found out, my boyfriend had married a chinese girl) nearly the same thing happened to me this year in my first week in Beijing. During a rockconcert a university-student introduced himself to me, later accompanied me to my place, we kissed... nothing else happened.
Part 2
About differences and problems I use my limited personal experiences as background-information to write this. In NO WAY I wanna generalize on the basis of ethnic origin. Everybody is individual, with one's own personality and character. But surely the culture, in which we were brought up, influences our pattern of behaviour, way of thinking, our wishes and expectations. When dating for the first time, there are very few difference between Western and Eastern guys. The first impression is always the outside of someone. That makes me decide, if I wanna go any further: Do I like his face, body, smile, voice and so on. Surely my dating partners did exactly the same, by checking my physical attraction. Then the usual small-talk: What is your job, what do you like to do, why did you come to China, and so on. A high percentage of my chinese dates talked quite much about their businesses and carreer, trying to avoid any topics, that could lead to real discussion. I would like to know more about their personal aspirations, or what they think about the situation in China in general. When the relationship developes, differences between European and Chinese guys can be seen more clearly. Especially problematic I found the difference in the way to communicate about disagreements and problems. Europeans (North-Europeans, I am not sure about South-Europeans) prefer to express their opinion or criticism in a clear and direct way, even if its unpolite or hurts the other. Many Chinese prefer to say things in a way, that will make the the other one feel good. My chinese ex-boyfriend is exactly this way. And hey! Hearing those charming things DID make me feel good, even though I knew with my mind, that it sounded far too good (一辈子我要爱你) to be true. On the other hand, I never was quite sure, if the things he said were exactly the way he thought or felt, or if he said so, because I wanted to hear them. I believe, that the truth should be told, even if the truth is hard, worrying, inconvenient and makes me unhappy. Problems should be talked about directly, without delay. My ex-bf did not mention difficult or controversial issues as long as possible. And when he had to, he did it in the most comforting, most gentle and indirect way as possible. For example: When he told me, he still loves me, but also loves his newlywed wife, I understood it exactly as he told me. When I found out, that as a matter of fact he did not love me anymore, I thought his former "I still love you" was lying or pretending. Now I understand, he wanted to say good-bye without hurting me. But he did it a way, I am not used to and therefore could not understand.
Part 3, the final part, will be about what I have learned out of all that and if I can give any advice. (One advice to Chinese guys I can give right now: Western women can carry their own bags and prefer to do so, you dont have to carry.)
TBC